7th    October 25, 2016

I had a segment of such sadness this afternoon. Sweet little pictures were being shared via texts and I just wished that I could hold those little ones, play with those toddlers. Oh God...please help all the Grandma's and Grandpa's who cannot see their children or grandchildren very often.  Again I offer, to You, the wishing of that closeness, for those couples who haven't been able to carry a child of their own, yet, and  also for those who have suffered tragedies in their families or have lost children.

To my own children, in case you ever read this:  I am so grateful for the people you are.  I am so proud that you all have the ability to be such great adults.  I completely understand that you are where you are because of God's leading in your lives, your spouse's lives and the work that you are all doing.  I do not want any of you to feel rotten about any of the sadness I feel on occasions.  I believe this intermittent sadness is necessary for me in my spiritual journey.  I am learning to relinquish, to let go, to offer up; and in this emptying of myself surely there is more room for Jesus.  So don't feel bad for me. Recently, I was thinking about all of you and the various places you are.  I was a bit sad and was talking to our Lord about it and I believe He impressed on my mind the knowing that it is a selfish thing for me to feel as if I am "cheated" out of being near all of you, when what He wants of your lives is the spark that you all kindle in the places you are. If I can, or need to, live with one or the other of you at some point, I believe that way will be made obvious and possible.

I know that there are times when you, too, wish that we were all closer together. You have all said this very thing and I think we all believe it would be wonderfully pleasant to live closer to each other than we do. I know it is hard on you, too, not being near the members of your family, especially when children are small. I remember being Momma to you dears, and with the role of grandma, I remember more poignantly how you were as little children.  It is hard sometimes to squelch the tendency to "mamma" your children.  Are there books on being a grandparent? Oh, I am sure there are but I have not even considered, until now, reading something about it.  I guess I should.  You are all such good parents; I really don't want  to act as if I know how to raise your children better than you do! So if I ever do that, you just say, "now Grandma...stop."

I guess I did something right along the way, since you all are quite wonderful, but I know too, that a lot of what you have become is because of and through, the grace given by our Lord.  I regret some things but I am glad I prayed daily that Jesus would supply in you what we failed to give.  That He would make up the difference.  It is a tough thing for parents to remember that you are really raising His children and that the children are only on loan...it's a very hard thing to think about.  Still, it is very reassuring knowing that since children do belong to Him, that He too, has a very high stake in the raising of the children and though we try to do our part well, it is very comforting to remember that He helps in the raising of His children whom He loves more than we possibly can.

When you were all small and we lived away from family, I wanted so badly to show you off, to have the constancy and closeness of my family and their admiration of all of you. I thought the little things you did were so cute...probably cuter and more precocious than anything any other child had ever done.  I wanted my Momma, or at least someone in my family, to see you, to acknowledge to me that they thought you were just the sweetest little person ever. I know how that feels; I can still remember it. Have I mentioned I am so glad we can Skype?

We didn't have cell phones then, so I could only send pictures in the mail.  That meant that the roll of film holding the picture of the sweetness that had been captured with a far from first-rate camera, had to be sent off, developed, sent back to me and then I could finally mail a picture to someone at home.  By the time there was a response from either a long-distance phone call or a letter back, the memory of wanting to share that sweet precious moment was already several weeks old.  Long distance phone calls were not cheap, so weekly calls were the norm. How I regretted it if I missed a call! Now we don't have to worry about missing a call with our nearly-attached-to-our-bodies cell phones, and the video calls are so amazingly amazing! But even though we have the ease of digital nearness, it is not even close to being near in person. It is definitely better than mailing pictures and hoping for a call or a letter, but I know it is still hard not to have the constancy of someone else seeing what your dear one is doing.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and God of all encouragement, who encourages us in our every affliction, so that we may be able to encourage those who are in any affliction with the encouragement with which we ourselves are encouraged by God.   2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "